Being stuck in a rut
There are times within my time in National Service that I feel a burst of motivation. When I feel like getting off my bed to do something in my life. Learn how to drive! Learn how to code! Study a bit, just for the sake of studying. However as soon as I plan the next few days ahead, I realise that most of it is taken up by my time in the military, specifically in camp carrying out exercises and operations. As exciting as that may sound, it really isn't. Considering that I have finished my training, I would be in operation, conducting the same tests in areas using the same equipment multiple times while using the rest of the time to stay in camp recuperating from the exhaustion that I endured the night/evening/afternoon/morning before. As much as people say that "serving your country is important and makes a difference", I do not see how the absence of one person would make a difference, or how the measurements I am conducting on the same piece of land conducted by many teams before me would be important for the development Singapore.
During the weekends, I find myself deprived of everything civilian life has to offer. Good food, a good bed, my air conditioned room and almost everything else that I take for granted. In that time of enjoyment, I find myself unmotivated to start anything that requires time and commitment, especially when my momentum is so easily disrupted by my time in National Service. As much as people say that I am inflexible, I do believe that not having your mind on the subject, at least for a significant period of time, is detrimental for the quality of the work that you are producing.
But I suppose writing on this blog is a step to something bigger, or at the very least maintaining something during my time in National Service amidst the relationships and friendships that are slowly fading away from my life. I do feel better being able to express my feelings during this harsh period. Personally I do not find national service is enjoyable, and before I decide that this is something that I will miss I do hope that this post will serve as a reminder not to pursue anything army related if the propaganda ever reaches me. In the meantime I am slowly working ways to get out of this, one step at a time (although at this rate I do think that by the time I adjust, I would be already done with my term.
Cheers,
Matthew Tan
During the weekends, I find myself deprived of everything civilian life has to offer. Good food, a good bed, my air conditioned room and almost everything else that I take for granted. In that time of enjoyment, I find myself unmotivated to start anything that requires time and commitment, especially when my momentum is so easily disrupted by my time in National Service. As much as people say that I am inflexible, I do believe that not having your mind on the subject, at least for a significant period of time, is detrimental for the quality of the work that you are producing.
But I suppose writing on this blog is a step to something bigger, or at the very least maintaining something during my time in National Service amidst the relationships and friendships that are slowly fading away from my life. I do feel better being able to express my feelings during this harsh period. Personally I do not find national service is enjoyable, and before I decide that this is something that I will miss I do hope that this post will serve as a reminder not to pursue anything army related if the propaganda ever reaches me. In the meantime I am slowly working ways to get out of this, one step at a time (although at this rate I do think that by the time I adjust, I would be already done with my term.
Cheers,
Matthew Tan
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