Memories
I've been sentimental about a lot of things lately. In times when I feel bored, which happens more often than most in class and at church, I find myself daydreaming about the experiences that I have at school, cringing at the embarrassing moments but laughing at the funniest moments that I replay in my head. It was nice to know that I was given weird stares for laughing at random moments in class and at church rather than because of my random cringes, and it only goes to show how thankful I should be for being given the memories that I have.
However recently I've been hung up about these memories. Despite them being so beautiful, I always find it sad that I won't be able to make many more for very long. Most of my friends are expatriates, and very soon they would be leaving me in this country for two years at least before I can even try to catch up in my studies. At first I thought that National Service was interesting and a way to build character, but I find nowadays that it only goes to serve as a hinderence to joining my friends overseas, or finding a life outside of Singapore. That's not to say that I hate National Service. If anything I just wish that everyone would just wait for us NS boys to finish our run before going off to see the world, which is sad because I'm hoping for an impossibility.
Also, I do have a small gap between my graduation time and my enlistment period, and I'm filling it up with all sorts of exciting activities. This only serves to make my post graduation period more unbearable. At first I thought it would give me motivation to study, but apparently it only serves to make me more motivated to not do anything and just wait for the moment. The time will come eventually, so why study right? That's not to say that I'm not studying, it's just that my head isn't where my heart is at the moment, and therein lies the problem.
I feel like this is the turning point in my life. The PSLE grade determined where I would go for secondary school, and that test changed my life. Now I am about to take the IB exam, where the grade would determine where I go to attend university, which is even more daunting. At the same time I am undergoing an experience of a lifetime. I'm being introduced to many new different experiences, meeting many different people and have a thirst to see more of the world and it's joys to offer. For me now happiness and adventure comes every time I step right outside that door unlike before. But in the time where I feel happiest outside, I am supposed to stay inside and study endlessly, something I can't and refuse to do anymore.
I guess this post is more for myself than for other people. At this moment I am feeling more sentimental than most, and I suppose I document this moment because I want to remember feeling this way, and remember that I had a lot of things that I didn't want to lose. I guess when I will be rereading this post again is when I have done the IB and done actions that I would have regretted, whether it's not studying as hard for the IB or refusing to do what I thought was right. I do hope that this post will transport me back to this time and remind me that no matter what, there are somethings that I cannot lose.
Cheers,
Matthew Tan
However recently I've been hung up about these memories. Despite them being so beautiful, I always find it sad that I won't be able to make many more for very long. Most of my friends are expatriates, and very soon they would be leaving me in this country for two years at least before I can even try to catch up in my studies. At first I thought that National Service was interesting and a way to build character, but I find nowadays that it only goes to serve as a hinderence to joining my friends overseas, or finding a life outside of Singapore. That's not to say that I hate National Service. If anything I just wish that everyone would just wait for us NS boys to finish our run before going off to see the world, which is sad because I'm hoping for an impossibility.
Also, I do have a small gap between my graduation time and my enlistment period, and I'm filling it up with all sorts of exciting activities. This only serves to make my post graduation period more unbearable. At first I thought it would give me motivation to study, but apparently it only serves to make me more motivated to not do anything and just wait for the moment. The time will come eventually, so why study right? That's not to say that I'm not studying, it's just that my head isn't where my heart is at the moment, and therein lies the problem.
I feel like this is the turning point in my life. The PSLE grade determined where I would go for secondary school, and that test changed my life. Now I am about to take the IB exam, where the grade would determine where I go to attend university, which is even more daunting. At the same time I am undergoing an experience of a lifetime. I'm being introduced to many new different experiences, meeting many different people and have a thirst to see more of the world and it's joys to offer. For me now happiness and adventure comes every time I step right outside that door unlike before. But in the time where I feel happiest outside, I am supposed to stay inside and study endlessly, something I can't and refuse to do anymore.
I guess this post is more for myself than for other people. At this moment I am feeling more sentimental than most, and I suppose I document this moment because I want to remember feeling this way, and remember that I had a lot of things that I didn't want to lose. I guess when I will be rereading this post again is when I have done the IB and done actions that I would have regretted, whether it's not studying as hard for the IB or refusing to do what I thought was right. I do hope that this post will transport me back to this time and remind me that no matter what, there are somethings that I cannot lose.
Cheers,
Matthew Tan
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