The past, the present and the future
Apologies for the late post, there has been many things on my mind, many mental barriers to cross and much anxiety to go through these past few weeks as the new year approaches. As I have come to terms with my current conditions I have finally had the motivation and time to sit down and write. It was until I logged in again did I realise that three weeks have already passed.
Recently a lot has happened, and as my NS life reaches it's halfway point I start to see past the dark days ahead and into the light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately, one can grow accustomed to the dark tunnel, and the light ahead could be as blinding as the darkness within the tunnel. What I mean by this is that I may have grown too used to army life that I may not be prepared to go back into the civilian life which is full of social stresses, academic stresses and financial stresses that I will not be looking forward to going back to. The army life that I have now requires little academic qualifications, if any intellect at all, and only requires you to do as you are told and follow orders. The money that I have now I earn from my time in the army (as part of my allowance) and considering that I am only available to spend the money on weekends, I save a lot of money as well (just in case my university life becomes a little too over-adventurous). Outside of the army, one is required to talk about their qualifications or pressured to talk about something that they are doing in their lives which provide meaning or make money. In Asian terms, they may be considered as being one and the same. One is required to carry out themselves in a certain way, while in the army I could truly be myself with my bunk mates; many do not know what I am like in the army, or is it appropriate that they should know. One does have to put up a mask in front of society after all.
Of course, there are many things that I look forward to in the civilian life. My freedom, my choice to pick what food I want to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner what games I want to play and what movies I want to watch this weekend. But this is attainable during weekends and as my army life becomes more comfortable as I earn a higher rank, sometimes during weekdays as well.
Never does this mean that I am willing to sign on and re-enlist; that's probably the last thing I want to do. I have to realise that re-enlisting means going through more hardship in the form of tougher training, especially since you have volunteered your life to your country rather than being forced to by law. There's a difference after all. Additionally as I have said many times, army life is not the life I want to lead.
This period just means that I have to slowly realise that, even though I thought that it would never come to an end, my army life is already almost halfway done and that I have to prepare myself to go back to the life I once had. This includes studying, reading and writing again and, of course, maintaining the regular schedule to blog which I could not do before. I suppose 2017 is the year of adjustment, and I do hope that 2017 brings about a change in me, just like how 2016 has done.
Cheers,
Matthew Tan
Recently a lot has happened, and as my NS life reaches it's halfway point I start to see past the dark days ahead and into the light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately, one can grow accustomed to the dark tunnel, and the light ahead could be as blinding as the darkness within the tunnel. What I mean by this is that I may have grown too used to army life that I may not be prepared to go back into the civilian life which is full of social stresses, academic stresses and financial stresses that I will not be looking forward to going back to. The army life that I have now requires little academic qualifications, if any intellect at all, and only requires you to do as you are told and follow orders. The money that I have now I earn from my time in the army (as part of my allowance) and considering that I am only available to spend the money on weekends, I save a lot of money as well (just in case my university life becomes a little too over-adventurous). Outside of the army, one is required to talk about their qualifications or pressured to talk about something that they are doing in their lives which provide meaning or make money. In Asian terms, they may be considered as being one and the same. One is required to carry out themselves in a certain way, while in the army I could truly be myself with my bunk mates; many do not know what I am like in the army, or is it appropriate that they should know. One does have to put up a mask in front of society after all.
Of course, there are many things that I look forward to in the civilian life. My freedom, my choice to pick what food I want to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner what games I want to play and what movies I want to watch this weekend. But this is attainable during weekends and as my army life becomes more comfortable as I earn a higher rank, sometimes during weekdays as well.
Never does this mean that I am willing to sign on and re-enlist; that's probably the last thing I want to do. I have to realise that re-enlisting means going through more hardship in the form of tougher training, especially since you have volunteered your life to your country rather than being forced to by law. There's a difference after all. Additionally as I have said many times, army life is not the life I want to lead.
This period just means that I have to slowly realise that, even though I thought that it would never come to an end, my army life is already almost halfway done and that I have to prepare myself to go back to the life I once had. This includes studying, reading and writing again and, of course, maintaining the regular schedule to blog which I could not do before. I suppose 2017 is the year of adjustment, and I do hope that 2017 brings about a change in me, just like how 2016 has done.
Cheers,
Matthew Tan
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