Finding purpose
I recently described myself as a driver in an automated car, going down a straight road where the driver is asleep. As it stands that is where I am in life in the moment. I am resting, waiting for things to happen. I am currently waiting for university, and waiting for my next overseas trip which will be at the end of the week. In the current moment however, I find myself reading books, playing games and doing what society thinks is 'a waste of time' and I must admit, after hearing some alternatives of some other amazing people on newspapers who have been doing amazing things with their free time, I find myself lost about if what I'm doing is justified. Is hanging out with friends justified if you haven't been doing much for the past two years mentally that deserves such a huge rest?
Alternatively, what would be a good way to spend my time? I want to find a way to make a difference in a big way, and it is in this sense it is asking for the cake and eating it as well. I'm asking for a way to make a big difference in a short amount of time without any preliminary knowledge. Charity work would not help me in such an extent that I would feel happy, for I truly feel that I am left without a feeling of fulfilment after. Working in general does not make me happy, but leaves me tired without feeling like I am working towards something.
But for now, I should remain asleep on the driver's seat and let the car carry me. I should probably rest now, and should I feel rested prematurely should stop to admire the view on either side of me on this one way road. Should I find myself at my destination, I would have to make the rest of the way on foot, which would soon prove to be an arduous task. Perhaps, being the productive person that I hope to see myself as, I see myself having the need to do something productive whenever I have a rest day in between. But for now, I suppose I should just enjoy the time to rest and relax, even if I feel like I don't really deserve it. Maybe someone else deemed that I did.
Cheers,
Matthew Tan
Alternatively, what would be a good way to spend my time? I want to find a way to make a difference in a big way, and it is in this sense it is asking for the cake and eating it as well. I'm asking for a way to make a big difference in a short amount of time without any preliminary knowledge. Charity work would not help me in such an extent that I would feel happy, for I truly feel that I am left without a feeling of fulfilment after. Working in general does not make me happy, but leaves me tired without feeling like I am working towards something.
But for now, I should remain asleep on the driver's seat and let the car carry me. I should probably rest now, and should I feel rested prematurely should stop to admire the view on either side of me on this one way road. Should I find myself at my destination, I would have to make the rest of the way on foot, which would soon prove to be an arduous task. Perhaps, being the productive person that I hope to see myself as, I see myself having the need to do something productive whenever I have a rest day in between. But for now, I suppose I should just enjoy the time to rest and relax, even if I feel like I don't really deserve it. Maybe someone else deemed that I did.
Cheers,
Matthew Tan
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