5 Weeks into school

Dear Readers,

It has been five weeks since school started, even longer since I posted. It has been an eternity for this blog, but a blink of an eye for mine. A lot has changed, though in retrospect little has changed at all.

I must admit university life was much easier than I expected it to be. The transformative period during my term in National Service has led me to become a man without stress and a man mature enough to understand what truly is important in my life. As such I am ahead of my work, and I understand how important it is to keep it that way. It has also helped that a lot of my friends are also very hardworking and it is hard to find avenues to have fun when my friends require me to work as well; we motivate each other and progress together. I suppose that University was never meant for you to be pre-occupied full-time, because I know people that do side-jobs in order to keep up with tuition fee payments.

Of course there is time for fun, but I have yet to find any ways to truly enjoy myself. Perhaps that lies at the root of my state of retrospective thinking, something I only tend to do when I feel melancholy in the midst of nightfall. At the moment I find something that is missing from my life. I suppose it is the lack of doing things that I enjoy now that I find myself mentally strained. The books on the table that are on my reading list have yet to be touched, and I read solely for knowing rather than to enjoy. At a time I supposed that it was the lack of a partner after being single for a relatively long time. Then again, I find no one that interests me at the moment, and I'd much rather be in a happy relationship where I spend a long time being single rather than being in an unhappy one just for the sake of finding someone to spend time with. Then again, there are friends who you can just invite to spend time with, but those who I consider close to me are now overseas in pursuit of their own forms of happiness and progress. Of course, I'd also much rather the person I decide to spend time with be someone of the opposite sex, just for a different perspective on different issues.

And just like before, I find myself in a self-driving car on a long road, towards a destination I cannot see. I suppose that in the long scheme of things, nothing really changes and I find it ironic how I've tried so hard to have change in my life when it just turns out being the same. I suppose it is the small things in my journey that I must learn to appreciate; such as the slight undulations in the road and (very) slight changes in the landscape as I look out the window. Perhaps it may be more fun to learn how to have fun in the car than to just look forward in anticipation of where this car may take me.

Cheers,
Matthew Tan

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