Learning about myself

Many things have happened during the past months that I have not written. 

• A vaccine for COVID has been found 
• My school term has ended 

Ya that's about it practically. 

Emotionally, a lot has changed. 

With this relationship, I have began to explore one of the most unexplored areas in my life: my feelings. As I started to delve into why I feel some way about some things that have happened during the course of my relationship and what knowledge about myself I can derive from them. Of course, some of these are toxic feelings that I am in the process of getting rid of, while for others I strive validation before tackling them. 

The course of my relationship has sailed as any normal couple would but at a much accelerated pace. The honeymoon period has ended in a swift 1.5 months. I started to realise that the progression of a relationship is not a function of the time, but rather of the time spent together. So far we have been inseparable, which explains the fast pace of our relationship. That being said, both of us were eager to get out of the honeymoon phase so that we know that what we have is real and not just pure infatuation. Now that we are in our 9th week, I can tell you that both of our feelings are as strong as before even though the honeymoon period has faded. The feeling that we have now is no longer a "I want to see you all the time", but rather a "I can't imagine going through time without you". That being said, we do ensure that we do not neglect friends and other commitments. Every time we are free we spend together, which I find delightful. That being said, I do miss the emotional highs and butterflies in the stomach and I'm sure that will come about every so often as the relationship continues to grow. 

However, as you may know my dear readers, the end of the honeymoon period comes the transition period, riddled with events of fighting and disagreements. This is the period where funny quirks become annoying and you are trying to find that balance between your life and life together. This period was quite tough for both of us, but I am quite happy that the fights are getting more spread apart as both of us are too emotionally drained to be fighting over petty things anymore. Thank God for that. 

I would say that we are still in the transition period, but we are over the peak. I find that there are a lot more things that I have to work on rather than anything regarding the relationship, so this season marks a point of self-reflection over anything else. I am getting there, but I must say that I can't wait to learn more no matter how tough it may be. It marks a sign of growth and the development towards something better.

Cheers,

Matthew Tan